To or not to

Baby fever is a particullarly strange mental rollercoaster.  Last week I took the kids to the park where we met a beautiful blue eyed baby girl.  I just wanted to pat her tiny booty and pinch her cheeks.  This started another conversation between Brian and I about the possibility of another baby.  My initial reaction is always sure why not.  I mean our kids are the light of our lives, why wouldn't we want to add another.  We watch Parenthood and talk about how awesome it would be to have a table full of our kids and thier kids when we're older.  But in order to have another baby I would have to become pregnant again.  Pregnancy, schew, a tiny shiver just went down my spine.  I keep questioning myself if I'm strong enough, mentally that is.  Late night turning into early mornings filled with poopy pants and puked on shirts.  Then I smile, yeah, poopy pants puked on shirts, early mornings.  I really think if we didn't have to relocate this past year we would have already had another baby.  Life happens and we put that on hold.  The move is starting to feel more like everyday life as we're settling in.  So the question returns, to have another baby or not.  I told Brian last night if we were to have another boy I want to name him Buckeye and call him Bucky.  You know, our Ohio baby.  I also told him we should wait until May or after so we don't have a winter baby.  So the question and thought is out there.  I probably shouldn't have gotten rid of my highchair.  One does what one has to during a move though.  Also having a another baby would change the dynamic of our family.  Having a third creates a "middle child".  A family of four turns into a family of five, an odd number.  It means we would have to look into a van, could I pull off a van?  I also told Brian if we do have another that before I get preped he has to tell the nurses that my blood pressure freaks out and to have the wierd orange drink on hand and the doctor's number.  I would definately go into it expecting to pass out again.  And I'm freaked because I watched a delivery on The Doctor's.  Why did I watch that?  But the question is out there, to or not to.  We shall see.  I'm not getting any younger and the timing would mimic my family abit and his.  There's five years between my older sister and there's five years between his oldest sister.  We shall see.  we shall.